Friday, January 20, 2012

Love Comes Knocking

Author's Note: This is a short story written after reading three short stories by well known authors. It incorporates a self defense mechanism and is a story of what good comes to those who wait.


All she ever wanted was love, a true love that would provide an escape from the harsh reality of the world, that would make her a better person, and most importantly, that would change her life.

As she sat in her living room, the eerie quiet surrounded her and made her mind run wild. Everything had appeared so perfect at the beginning, as if nothing could interrupt this miraculous fantasy that had become a reality. She never imagined that anything could go so wrong or end so abruptly. Yet she always had an insecure feeling around Aaron, and while reminiscing about the old times, she realized this must have been her conscience trying to guide her.
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She was young, searching for the answers to all of life’s questions. Like many others, she believed this would come through true love, through that one person that would change her world. She supposed she had rushed into it and never truly realized the vast amount of people that had something to offer her. Aaron seemed to be exactly what she was looking for; he was an educated man, knowledgeable about many subjects, a business man, plenty capable of supporting a family, and most significantly, a loving man, who claimed he’d love her forever. The two got to know each other quite well, and married after three years of dating.

They were a good couple, with plenty of arguments, but they always supposed that was normal. Although they both did not want to admit it, they hadn’t felt that magic spark, heard that deafening sound of love, or seen the fireworks after each kiss. It was never there, and that wasn’t either of their faults. Too quickly they forced themselves into a relationship that was built on false ground, and they became part of a self inflicted illusion.

When she and Aaron took journeys into their small town, she would see couples on the street walking together, laughing together, making memories together, and wonder why she couldn’t have something like that. One sunny afternoon, Aaron was rambling on about work like usual as they walked past a coffee shop where a young man was sitting outside reading the newspaper. There was something remarkable about him, something that made her unable to stop staring. He looked across the street and their eyes met. The world stopped—all of the noises of nature ceased, the traffic seemed to halt, Aaron’s story was put on mute. This was a new feeling, one she had never experienced before. There was a click, a spark, a bolt of lightning—something made her think twice.

It seemed as if an entire day had passed; his gaze was such a beautiful thing to be stuck in. The moment came to an end as Aaron broke her train of thoughts with a simple statement—a statement she had heard many times, yet this time something about the way he spoke was different. “It’s all up to you Sweetie, where would you like to go for dinner tonight?" asked Aaron in a false tone. So many times he had said those same words and she had believed he genuinely cared. They hit her heart like the lightning in a thunderstorm; she worried she might explode. Things had started to change between the two recently, although she had been trying to deny this. She thought this annoyance was normal and was supposed to happen with a married couple.
The days of longing for a healthier relationship dragged on and started to dissolve all her hope that true love existed. Days turned into months, months turned into a year. She was then in complete realization of her breaking heart. After thirteen months and two additional encounters with the mystery man, Aaron left her, with nothing but a bad perception of love.
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Although she had replayed the story many times in her head, it never seemed to be any easier to handle. Their love had never been real and she had lost all hope that she would ever find pure happiness. Just as the tears began to fall from her eyes, a loud knock on the door interrupted her moment of pity. In the doorway was the flower delivery man, carrying a bouquet sent from her mother. As he reached in to hand her the flowers, his face was exposed, revealing her mystery man. He appeared like rays of shining sun brightening her with an everlasting warmth. At that moment, she believed love does eventually come knocking.

18 comments:

  1. Jennifer, WOW I love this so much! I love how the title is in the last sentence, and how it's a fairly happy story, unlike a lot of the other sad and depressing ones; it seems like it should be a movie! The only thing that would be cool to add would be to put in more of one of their arguments to really show the "fake" love. Other than that, I love it, and the idea that around every corner, something good is waiting!

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  2. I know you went through a lot of different ideas to finally get to this one, but I am so glad you took the time to experiment because this was so good! And I agree with Allie, happy love stories are nice to read every once and a while :)

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  3. This was so good Jennifer! I loved how it turned out happy! If anything I would maybe say jsut to add a little bit more at the end and stay in that moment and describe that. Other than that it was a really great story!

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  4. Jennifer, finally a story without people dying.. in the end! I loved your voice that was really strong throughout the whole piece, however I felt it was a tad rushed, perhaps more time in the moment would have been more elaborate, or more imagery and showing rather than telling like, "The two got to know each other quite well, and married after three years of dating." I wish you would of talked about them together, at least the beginning cause they ended sad.. but overall I loved it, the story was easy to read and seriously, a happy story? Thank you.

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  5. Like Morgan said, your voice was so incredibly strong throughout the entire time without letting up. The whole story was wonderful but the only thing I could pick out would be, like Elli said, in the end to describe even more and more how it felt in that moment. It's hard to criticize such a great story though, so amazing job!

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  6. I'm glad that the story had a good ending! (: It was such a good story and flowed well together. I just feel like it could have been elaborated on more but I know why it wasn't ;) But i loved it and it let's people know that they have to be patient!

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  7. Wow Jennifer, your story was a nice difference from all of the others I've read -- happy endings just make people more positive about life, don't they? I love the message about good things coming to people that wait, like she had been waiting her entire life for that bouquet of flowers to come to her doorstep. I would've liked to hear more about why the couple got together in the first place, maybe more about their life and why it didn't work out. However, the story still put a smile on my face!

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  8. Jennifer, wow this was really good! I loved the entire idea, and when she met the man at the end it was such a surprise. I also liked how the title connects to the last sentence :) Overall, it was really good but I think to improve it you could have added a little more to the end about how she felt, and her reaction and things like that.

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  9. This was written well! The main idea was good and how that was like the only thing she really wanted was love. Like other people i think more details at the end could have been added to make the story even better!

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  10. Your story is a nice breath of fresh air, so much and death and stuff, but this is happy, and I like that. I think going into more depth could of enhanced your story a bit, However, your story had great rhythm and flowed nicely, nice job!

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  11. I really liked your story and I'm proud to say I helped you revise it, and I think Aaron sounds a lot better than Tim. Overall great story and a good non-death story, you might want to go more in -depth with the way she was feeling but it was still really good.

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  12. jeff, i loved how different your story was. it was nice to read :) i loved how strong your diction was. nice last sentence and remember it for yourself okay? okay.

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  13. I loved this story. I believe you structured it very well, and there is a nice flow. I absolutely love the ending paragraph, but maybe describe how she was feeling, like everyone else said. Great job!

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  14. Jennifer I really liked the happy ending of your story. You did a nice job of building up the characters. Next time you should try to add some other literary techniques, such as an anaphora. Overall nice job.

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  15. I really liked the idea of your story because I guarantee that many people could relate to the feeling of just wanting a perfect love in their life. Your description of the feelings of love was really powerful because it made me as a reader want to be able to connect to it someday. This was so sweet and wonderful to read, and I wouldn’t change anything about it. I loved it!(:

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  16. Great story Jennifer. You had a great structured body and it flowed perfectly. I love how it ends happily unlike others, but I think that it would have been great if you would have stuck a little longer with the emotions in your last sentence. Overall, great story!

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  17. I like your idea of your story! I especially love how you tied your title in with the last words. Also I liked how you just stopped and made it a mystery at the end just like her mystery man.

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  18. Jennifer this was probably one of the most well written stories I've read! This part of the story really caught my attention, "all of the noises of nature ceased, the traffic seemed to halt, Aaron’s story was put on mute." I loved that part, I don'think you could have phrased it any better! That sentence was honestly just perfect! The showing not telling was phenomonal. Not only this sentence, but every sentence was crafted so well with such great diction! I couldn't wait for what would come next! Oh, and you last sentence, just wow. Your story was VERY relatable for, well, like any teenager haha, I loved it from beginning to end! AMAZING! :)

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